After nearly every C++ lecture I sit through lately, I’m completely lost. I hardly ever understand the concepts fully and they aren’t broken down in an easily consumed fashion. The material presented isn’t straight-forward or easy to understand. She asks if there are any questions after covering a topic, but I don’t know what to ask aside from: “Could you explain that material again, but so I understand it?” Gone are the days of knowing what I’m doing, and feeling like no one can do a good job of explaining things to me.

My current assignment deals with linked lists and a bastardized version of recursion. Instead of making functions that traverse through the linked list, which is what we learned in class and is presented in the book, I’m required to write out a function that calls another function via pointer, to process the list. In essence, there’s a control function and smaller functions that are implemented within it. I understand recursion as it’s presented in the book. Initialize a pointer, do something while there’s still a pointer, and then change the pointer. Simple, easy to understand and the way I can understand it. Can we do it that way in the assignment? NO! of course not.

So instead of understanding the topic as it’ll end up later, I’m completely confused and without need, I might add. I miss the days when I understood what I was doing and felt like I had a grasp on everything. This is the latest in a long string of frustrations and inefficiencies. I completely dislike my STAT 301 class, because I sit through 50 minutes of lecture for material I understand in 10. The rest of the time I’m left to take notes and try to stay focused.

I’m complaining instead of programming, which I used to look forward to because I understood what I’m doing. I wish everything were more like music. Here are the notes to play, here’s the time signature, and here’s the key. Go from the top to the bottom and don’t skip anything. Here’s your drill, be at this exact spot at this count of the music, and so on..

I suppose I can’t expect everything to make me feel good, but can’t my major at least do that? I like programming and writing code but instead of solving problems and learning, I’m left contemplating the point of it all and banging my head against the desk, attempting to use a crutch that’s nearly impossible to intuitively grasp.

I’m led to believe the world doesn’t make sense and nothing happens for a reason.